And I think that was how the seed was planted. I wasgetting tired of living two lives, one in my head and one in real life. On the other hand, I was afraid to take anything but the smallest step. And somehow, the idea came into my head that that first, small step ofbringing these two worlds together, my real life and the one going oninside my head, would be to buy my mother a lipstick for her birthday.It was a small, innocent step, but a little outrageous at the same time.Because when I thought about it, I did not know one boy, EVER, whobought his mother a lipstick.Once I started thinking about it, I couldn't stop.Before I decided to actually go ahead with my birthday gift idea, Ispent a lot of time thinking about whether I should actually do it. Thebottom line was, I wanted to do it so much that I was worried that mydesire, and my fantasy of how that would all go, was clouding myjudgment about what would actually happen. As I said, my mother and Ihad never really shared things. They dragged me toHannah's bed where I sat like a zombie. She began to speak:"Time for your pretty clothes, pansy! And what do pansies like youwear? What do little sissies who want to be sixth grade girls wear?Answer me princess!"And she slapped me hard across my face. And threatened to do it again.Paige mouthed the word "panties" to me and I got it. I whispered backto Hannah:"Panties...they wear panties." Yes. Good girl! They wear pretty panties! Pansies like you wearpanties. Put on your panties, little girl. You are untied now so goahead and pull them up your legs. {when did my clothes disappear? Dreamlogic, I guess} Good girl. Oh my God. So sweet in your little princesspanties. Spin for us, sweetheart. Good girl. Spin again or get slapped.Yes, model your panties for us. Now beg for your training bra. Beg foryour training bra, Megan, or I will let Paige spank your over her kneeson your panties. Do you want that? To lay over her legs in her jeansand get spanked until you cry like a.
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